[open]

[notgoingtorun]

If Neal was being truly honest with himself, he knew full well that this moment was inevitable. He knew he was going to be exposed one way or another. At least this way, Peter had let him keep at least some of his dignity by allowing him to tell the truth on his own, rather than have the message delivered for him as though he were completely incapable of telling the truth. Oh, it would still be humiliating to round up so many people and tell them the truth, reliving a difficult conversation over and over again, but perhaps that was the message that Peter was trying to get through Neal's head: taking the easy way out was never the best solution. Neal had taken the easy way out, and he was paying the price for it now.

Neal had put this off for as long as he could, but he knew it had to be done. Aside from facing Peter's wrath, the guilt would gnaw at him until he did. Guilt was a new feeling, one that had never touched him when he was stealing priceless artifacts or defrauding billionaires, but now that he'd made friends and started a life that was built on lies, he was starting to know what regret really felt like.

This wasn't the first time that he'd had to do this dance -- once, not so long ago, he'd had to sit down with Kate and tell her that Nick Halden was a fabrication, and that hurt -- but that didn't mean he wasn't nervous about it. He'd dressed in his best clothes today -- suit, waistcoat, tie, hat -- because if he was going to go back to being Neal Caffrey, then he was going to own it.

As Neal began to track down his friends, people he cared about, people who trusted him, he realized that this was going to be a very long day.

"Hey there," he said, plastering on a cheerful smile as he approached, "do you have a couple of minutes? There's something I need to talk to you about."

Comments

[bennet_beauty]

While Jane's month had been somewhat stressful, she would always set aside time for Victor as she had appreciated his company and his help with the children to a great degree. "Of course, Victor," she soothed, drying her hands upon a dishtowel as she regarded him with an open expression. It would take her mind off of Carwood and she greatly appreciated the chance to do that.

[notgoingtorun]

Of all of the people that Neal knew he'd have to come clean to, he knew this one would hurt the worst. He just knew it. Jane had opened her home to him, made him feel like part of a family. The nice thing about starting over, like here on the island, was that people didn't judge you for what you'd done before. For Victor Moreau, there was no corrupt father, no prison time, no tracking anklet. Neal Caffrey had all of those things, and more.

"I just wanted to thank you, so much, for your hospitality and generosity since I arrived here. It has meant so much to me, and I'm so grateful. But."

There was always a but, and what came after was always the worst.

"I'm afraid I haven't been completely with honest with you about some things, and I'd like to fix that, starting now." He clasped his hands in front of him and exhaled quietly. "My name isn't Victor Moreau, it's Neal Caffrey."

[bennet_beauty]

Jane had been feeling quite ill at ease for the past several days. Carwood's amnesia had taken a toll upon her and now, the news that she was with child again had left her quite emotional. Victor -- Neal, apparently -- coming to her with such news of dishonesty should not have affected her so, but she thought she had quite the excuse to become emotional.

Still, she did her best to dismiss it, setting it aside and only allowing the outskirts of the pain to show. "Mr. Caffrey," she said, as if trying out the name. "I'm afraid I do not understand."

[notgoingtorun]

Neal folded and unfolded his hands in front of him. All of his nervous tells, all of the gestures he'd spent years training himself out of doing, were coming back. He felt more vulnerable and anxious than he had in years. Even the prospect of a life in prison, he'd approached with a calm confidence. This was different, and if it was Peter's plan to make him face this anxiety head-on, well, it was working.

"When I arrived here, I was confused and -- scared, there were people who I thought were after me, and I didn't know where I was. I didn't know what else to do."

[bennet_beauty]

"But you have lived with us for months," Jane said, staring at him as though she expected that he would change further; as if he would shed a mask and she would see something new revealed. "You are still the same man, however, yes?" she asked, incredibly hopeful. "You are enrolled in your classes and are learning your languages and your drawing?"

[notgoingtorun]

"I have, and I'm -- I'm so sorry that I haven't been honest with you before now."

If the threat of humiliation and punishment were enough to deter Neal from ever doing the wrong thing again, this would do it. Unfortunately, not even a stint in prison kept Neal on the straight and narrow.

"I'm, well, mostly the same man," he admitted. "I mean, personality wise, at least. None of that has been ... fabricated. Not everything I told you about my background has been completely accurate, though. I'm, uh, for example, actually kind of an accomplished artist, back home."

And here, he allegedly couldn't even draw a square. Funny, that.

[bennet_beauty]

Fraught with the news of her pregnancy, turmoiled by Carwood's continued amnesia, and now presented with this information, Jane did not know what to do. "It has been so long since I took you into my home," was all she managed to eke out, her voice soft and broken. She stared at him, uncomprehending. "You lied to us."

[tricksthetreat]

Trixa was at the bar, her bar, doing a little cleaning and maintenance. She was still fussy about everything, she wanted her little baby to look her best. It was her pride on the line and her ego expected nothing less. Running a rag over the top, she looked up as one of her more mysterious employees walked in.

She'd always pegged him for more than he appeared, but this wasn't her home, she wasn't supposed to pry. But looking at his face, she saw his too-bright-to-be-real smile and something inside her woke up. Had Christmas come early?

"Sure, c'mon in. Pour you a drink since I'm back here?"

[notgoingtorun]

"Oh, no thanks," Neal said, waving his hand. Oh, he'd like a glass of wine to knock these conversations back with, but thought maybe it was best to do these conversations cold.

After they were all done, though, he was holing up somewhere with a bottle of wine, no questions asked.

Neal slid onto a seat at the bar and folded his hands on top of the counter. "I really wanted to thank you for the opportunity to deal at Pomaika'i‎. It's been just awesome and really reminds me of home. But I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you, and wanted to come clean." These conversations weren't getting any easier, but he hoped with Trixa, there might be a bit more understanding. "When I got to the island, there were some things I was lying about, including my name, so I can start there. It's Neal Caffrey, not Victor Moreau."

[tricksthetreat]

Trixa made a show of gasping, even pressing her hand to her chest. "No, really?" It was really hard not to laugh, so she took a moment to pull a glass off the shelf and pour herself some wine.

Felt like that kind of conversation was coming on.

"Credit where it's due, Mr. Caffrey, you're very good at the game." Taking the liberty, she poured him a glass, too, only she made his scotch from behind the bar. "And I don't give that kinda praise often."

[notgoingtorun]

Neal took the glass and wrapped his hands around it.

"Thanks, I think," he said, feeling a little better that at least one of these conversations didn't immediately make him feel like a world-class jerk. "I've spent a long time playing that game. I didn't intend to, whenever I got here. I was kind of done with living that life, but waking up somewhere unfamiliar, not knowing where I was or if anyone was after me. I promise I haven't been conning you or the casino -- although I'm pretty sure that you'd be able to tell if I was."

[tricksthetreat]

"It's your default, when in doubt, lie." She shrugged. "Makes sense to me. If I hadn't had a few friends here when I arrived, I might have done the same." Once a con, always a con. Once you've mastered it, it never left you and when you felt threatened, well, there were worse things.

"I've been doing this longer than you and I'm cynical as hell. Hard to get one over on me."

[notgoingtorun]

That got an arched eyebrow from Neal -- either she was much older than she looked, or there was something special about her.

Whatever. Not his business.

"Friend of mine from back home showed up the other day, he was less than pleased to find out I've been living under an alias. He just likes to make sure I'm staying on the right side of the tracks, I guess."

[radicalize]

These days, it was rare that Lucy didn't have a couple of minutes to spare, though she wasn't going to say so. Instead, she just summoned up a smile of her own, almost surprised by the ease of it. Something about all of this, the phrasing of the question and the fact that Victor was wearing a suit on a tropical island, left her the slightest bit on edge, but she told herself that was just her imagination. She'd been waiting a long time for something to go wrong, expecting it, and he wasn't Bryce.

"Yeah, sure," she said, nodding. "What's up?"

[notgoingtorun]

If Peter's point of this whole exercise was to hammer home for Neal, again, the consequences of being less than truthful, well, it was working. Not that he'd ever let on to Peter that it was having an impact, but it was. Breaking Kate's heart by exposing his lies all those years ago was one thing; constantly having to tell people he liked that he was a liar and a thief was draining in an entirely different way.

"So, I know you've got a history with a guy who has my face," he began, finding no easy way to ease into the topic. "With him being, well--" He waved his hands vaguely at his sides, then dropped them back at his sides, coming to rest at his hips. "Anyway. I just, well, I haven't been completely honest, either, which I feel really bad about, and I wanted to fix that. Starting with my name -- my name's not Victor, it's really Neal Caffrey."

[radicalize]

Lucy blinked a few times, mouth pulling into a slight frown, more confused than anything else, as if there were something about what she was being told that she couldn't comprehend. It was simple enough, of course, the words themselves not difficult to make sense of. What she didn't know was what it meant. More than that, what she didn't know was how she hadn't known, how she'd let herself believe him, regardless of how illogical it would have been to not do so. He wasn't Bryce, but this made it difficult not to think about him.

"Alright," she said slowly, though she wasn't sure it was that. Starting with didn't imply anything good, but she really didn't want to just dismiss him based on what had happened to her before, difficult as it might have been to keep to that. At least he wasn't someone she'd been a relationship with. "You aren't, like, a documented traitor or anything, are you?"

[notgoingtorun]

"Oh, no, nothing like that," Neal confirmed. "No, I've been many things in my life but I don't think anyone would ever call me a traitor." Not in the enemy of the state sense of the word, at least. He could think of a few crooks he'd wronged, or helped put away, who would think he was a traitor to their way of life, but that was about it. "I may have had a couple of brushes with the law, but definitely not a traitor."

[radicalize]

"Oh, well, who hasn't?" Lucy said, all but rolling her eyes. That much, she could shrug off easily, mostly because it would have been too hypocritical not to when she had her own police record back at her place, and when she remembered all of what Ryan had told her, too. Even so, it wasn't as easy to swallow all that, and she lifted a hand to her forehead as she took a few deep breaths, trying to steady herself. "Sorry. Sorry, I just — this is kind of a lot. Weird, with you looking so much like..."

[notgoingtorun]

Neal laughed a bit awkwardly and fussed with the knot of his tie. "Yeah, it's more than a little weird. I'm guessing it's a very unpleasant kind of deja-vu." He smoothed out the lapels of his jacket and sighed. "I really do apologize, though, for misleading you. I was just very... concerned when I arrived here, not knowing where I was. This place just isn't as much of a blank slate as I'd hoped it could have been." No, even here, the past catches up with you, like it or not.

[girlsolo]

It's the end of Neal's very long day when he finally catches up with Kate, who happens to be sitting in a booth at the Winchester with a drink and her feet up on the opposite seat. He looks so completely miserable, she signals for another round and slides her feet down.

"Caffrey, huh? Gotta say it suits you better than Moreau. But I'm wondering what's got you going hat in hand." She gestures for him to sit, either across or next to her if he's wanting the physical contact. "This when I get the whole story?"

[notgoingtorun]

Neal was visibly relieved whenever Kate called him out before he could even begin his whole I'm sorry I'm a liar and a terrible person spiel. It was exhausting, and if he learned lessons the way the average person did, he would have been vowing to never tell lies again.

Instead, he dropped down into the booth next to Kate, sagging into the seat. "Word gets around fast, doesn't it?" Good thing he wasn't revealing any real secrets to the island population at large. "It's as good a time as any for the whole story. A friend from home showed up the other day, and he was less than pleased to find out I'd been deceiving the innocent, well-meaning people of the island." His voice took on a more stern tone, doing a decent impersonation of the disappointed tones of one Peter Burke. "He's not really the kind of guy that I get to say no to."

[girlsolo]

"I've got a six year-old I'm watching. I get around fast," she corrects him. Her mouth twitches and her eyes flash with laughter. She hadn't meant that, but it's true anyway. She nudges him with a shoulder and tries to pull up one of those pretty smiles from him. "Yeah, that too."

And continues easily enough to shift in the booth so she can see him and lay her leg kind of half over his. "Yeah, I had one of those too. Two, actually. But--" She shrugs and lets him see how much she really doesn't give a fuck. "They call this place Tabula Rasa. You're supposed to get a blank slate. They wouldn't listen to me about Jack the fucking Ripper being here and said he got a blank slate. So as long as you're not fleecing anyone, call yourself whatever you want. Be whoever you want." Not like Sawyer and she went around telling everyone who they were before. Or Aidan.

Another shrug, a vaguely annoyed sigh. "Besides, you haven't been here that long, right? Coming right out with who you are...if you're not a trusting sort of guy to start with...why would you?"

[notgoingtorun]

Neal relaxed comfortably into the seat, glad to be ending his day with someone who understood, who wasn't going to judge him for being a liar and a criminal. "I was supposed to be reformed. I was kind of the FBI's poster boy for reform, in fact." He realized he was jumping ahead in the story, but he'd go back and fill in the gaps eventually.

"Being a rehabilitated crook means you're supposed to stop lying, and I was okay with that. I had a life in New York, and I was tired of running. But when I got here, there were people after me, people after the old Neal Caffrey, who wanted to put me away for a long time. Any other day, I would have had no problem being me here, but when I got here?" He shook his head slowly. "I went with my gut, and just it wound up causing me more problems down the line. This place is a blank slate, except for when your fed handler shows up and expects you to be a better person." Neal paused a beat, and then smiled. "But I'm definitely telling him about Jack the Ripper."

[girlsolo]

"I wouldn't have given out my real name and told my story to everyone when I got here if Will, Magnus, and Nikola hadn't been here," Kate says with a patient sort of shrug. "I mean, I didn't tell everything anyway. I still don't tell people most of my story. But the thief part kind of got out..."

She gives him one of those looks, thief to thief, appraising. Different skill sets but she bets they could have a lot of fun breaking into places together. Even if they were doing it for the right reasons.

"Is anyone besides your handler busting your balls about it?"

[notgoingtorun]

"I've got a couple of people who weren't surprised at all, a whole bunch more who are very disappointed in me, and I'm also homeless," he said, ticking them off on his finger. "Jane wasn't very pleased, asked me to go. So, it's goodbye, classy New Pemberley room, hello compound dorm living, I guess." The cinder-block walls and institutional feel of the compound were a little too close to feeling like prison for Neal's tastes, but he'd take what he could get, at this point.

He would have been more upset about it if he weren't so drained from his day. And maybe that was part of the old Neal Caffrey, the one who wanted something for nothing, the one who wanted a life he'd never worked for. This Neal Caffrey was just happy not to be in jail.